Friendship

Good friends are hard to find...would you agree? I'm one of those people who have always had 1 or 2 really close friends and really no one else. I like being in groups, and being social, but it's impossible (in my opinion) to really be close to more than a couple of people. When I got married, Chris was it for me. I didn't need, or want, anyone else. This isn't so healthy I've realized. This puts so much pressure and many expectations on him, which isn't fair. But I really didn't have any interest in making other friends. It takes so much time to get to that safe, honest place with someone. I am a terrible initiator, but I think I've gotten a lot better over the past couple of years. It's hard to be vulnerable with people--they may hurt you. I've gotten hurt by several close friends (who hasn't...), and I hate putting myself out there again. But I need to. My husband has been such an encourager to me in this area. He always pushes me to reach out and be more friendly and open to people. I guess I tend to just keep to myself a lot, which is more comfortable. It's not good to stay comfortable I've realized. Then you don't grow, and stretch, and you miss out on a lot of wonderful things that are out there.

Just recently I've made some great friends...real friends. I do not like small talk (which is ironic since I am a hairstylist, and that's all I do while I'm working), and I do not like fakeness. I hate it, in fact. So if someone is fake, I really don't have any interest in being friends. I don't know if anyone likes fakeness, but some people can put up with it better than I can. I am just so appreciative for the friends I now have. It takes a lot of pressure off of Chris, and it energizes me so that when I am with my family, it's fresh and exciting. God is so good...He knows what we need, even when we don't. I needed friends all along, I was missing out. I wonder what I'm missing out on now...because I'm sure there's something.